i have so many words but i'm fucking speechless.

Hi.

My name's Yuri.

WHY. YOU. ARE. EYE.

i'm a headcase.

I often have high levels of self loathing, and i hate men.

I hate men who come into my fucking restaurant and tell me how "BEAUTIFUL!" i am.

FUCK YOU.

FUCK YOU AND YOUR IDEALISTIC(unrealistic) PERCEPTION of women.

here's some truth for you..

can you handle it?

I used to be fascinated and consumed with surface value beauty.

I used to love

hips.

ribs.

tits.

lips.

show me your bones baby, show me you don't need anything else in the world but your own selfish (vapid) indulgence of your idea of beauty.

let me tell you how many negative calories i ate.

let me tell you how much i drank today.

let me shove this needle into my vein so that you know that i'm DEADFUCKINGSERIOUS

about getting fucked up tonight.

i'm DEADFUCKINGSERIOUS when i laugh at the fact that i might have *done too much

and *don't care if i wake up tonight.

i will never again pursue fucking cocaine in a needle to fulfill this void in me.

i will never again take your surgical scalpel to my tender flesh to see how much i bleed.

i will never again carve hate into my skin just to feel something.

let me dissect myself and my psychosis for a minute.

Okay...Happy childhood. Privleged (ie:spoiled) upbringing, everything handed to me on a silver fucking platter.

i was overweight as a kid, as a teen. ok. that sucks.

discovered the joys of self denial and myspace (if anything perpetuated eating disorders in the early 21st century, it was the over-abundance of emo kids on myspace).

I have realized that i will never be good enough.

I WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH.

i may have lost 50lbs. i may have learned how to do my makeup. i may have learned how to not hate you for asking to take my picture and thrown you a fake pose or two..

but no amount of makeup will ever cover up my damage.

I am inherently broken.

sure. we all are.

i have so many complexes it's not even funny...

but i know that the subtraction of cocaine from my life has shown me how beautiful and wonderous life can truly be.

I am an amazing woman. I have so much positive energy in me at times that it's someti